Why I Don't Want to Go to Ethiopia

People often say that I must be excited about going--even asking what I'm most excited about.
Amid any excitement, I have things I'm not too keen about. Things that make me not want to go.

It's been two years since I left Ethiopia. Except for the national workers with BCI, it is safe to assume at least 80% of the people will not remember me. It is only logical. I was there for four months in and out of people's lives. I would like to say I made an impact, but a lot of regrets desire to differ. Particularly because most of the children I worked with were under the grade of 7 (under the age of about 12), they are probably to young to remember me. For the most part, I guess that is to be expected and accepted. But what about those kids I really bonded with? What about the boy I sponsor? Will they remember me? I've built up returning to Ethiopia in my mind--like a big reunion after a two year hiatus. But now, what if it isn't as special for me or them as I've always imagined? What if, upon my re-introduction, they don't like me?

Another reason I don't want to go to Ethiopia is because I'm not too keen on the idea of being sick. I never get sick. I get allergies, but very rarely anything else. While I was in Ethiopia in 2012, Jonnett got sick like 100% of the time. =P I don't want to get gross-sick. I don't want to be shackled  to my bed for weeks until I get better.

I also don't want to go to Ethiopia because I don't want to fail. What if I go to Ethiopia and just screw up everything? What if I snap with anger and frustration and wreck months of relationship building? What if I blow up and mess up testimonies of people I love ( I mean, how would it look if I yelled at my students and slam a book down on the counter?)

I don't want to go to Ethiopia because I don't want to get there and realize I wasted two years of anticipation and throw away the money it takes to get there. I don't want to have my heart crushed that this whole experience, this whole journey was a misdirection and I was blindsided by misconception.

I don't want to go because I don't want to leave my kids here in the Bible clubs I work in. Last time I went to Ethiopia, I didn't have this strong of an emotional bond to these kids. I don't know what's different this time. I'm just really attached to them. I now hurt when they hurt. I now get excited when they find happiness. I now get sad when they are lonely. This will be my last semester with most of them because they will be in the Intermediate school by the time I return. I possibly will never see them again. Sure that will happen once they graduate from 4th grade, but some of these kids are in 2nd or 3rd. Even those who are younger than that, I might be leaving NC for college when I return and still won't see them again except maybe a hello-goodbye day.

I don't want to go to Ethiopia because the reverse will happen to the above problem. I will be in Ethiopia for two years, slowly building stronger emotional bonds with those I interact with. By the time I leave in 2016, I will be leaving more people I love whom I will probably never see again because I'm not sure if A.) I will be back at all or B.) if I will be back before two years. More emotional pain.

I don't want to go because I have a feeling I will have to give up my anti-social tendencies. I will have to be outgoing on my first encounters with people. I will have to keep my eyes and ears open to be able to realize things before leaving their homes (A lack of food in the house, a hurting mother, a desperate child for love).



Some of those reasons are stupid (I mean, I can get over being sick); some of them are seriously frightening to think about. Some of it makes me just want to stay where I'm at. To find a job that will both work around my doing Bible clubs and yet pay me enough to live off of the job. To get a degree in writing/journalism so I can work from home and start up a Bible club at the Intermediate school where there is no club. To invest in the lives of those I love in Ethiopia simply by means of sending a check to them and keeping up with monthly correspondences.

That way I won't have to hurt. I won't have to risk pain. I won't have to lose friends. I won't have to risk failure.


Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I go, not entirely 100% because I want to, but because God has called me and I know He will be with me. Whatever fears I may have, I can leave them up to God. Whether they happen or not: God is my God and He will be with me. 

Time to Return

Sometimes we take a road to change the life of someone else. Sometimes someone else changes our life when we weren't expecting it. Sometimes God gives us opportunities to show His love to people someone else can not. Sometimes we mess that up and get caught up in our own plans. Sometimes we get second chances.

God is leading me to Ethiopia. He is urging me to love with deeper passion. There are 91 million people living in Ethiopia, Africa. I will never be able to meet each one of them. I will never be able to make any type of impact for even one one-hundredth of them. But that is not my goal. There is a story about a boy on a beach with washed up starfish. As he walks along, he picks up one every so often and throws it back into the ocean. He realizes he cannot help all of them, but he can make a difference to the ones he throws back into the ocean. I cannot help everyone. I am not their messiah. I can, however, make a difference for the few that God will lead me to. I can be that person to show them who their Messiah is.

God has been opening my heart for this missions to Ethiopia ever since I returned in 2012. I didn't know how much love God would enable me to feel for these people, but each day my heart burns within me to be back and to show them the way to Jesus. I feel their sorrows when they feel scared and sad. I feel their pain when they lose hope and love. I can't bear to see precious children grow to a hopeless future. I want to share with them the hope that is found in the grace of Christ.

So I follow God to Ethiopia and I will live there for two years. I will be serving with an organization called Blessing the Children International. They work with orphans and widows and desire for them to know Christ. They have an academy where they educate with a high level of quality. They have a sponsorship program where they provide food, education and supplies, and healthcare. They also function with five local churches in the Debre Zeyit community where national pastors and congregations minister together to spread the love of God and the gospel of Christ.

I plan on leaving sometime during the month of September 2014 to join the work God is already doing in Ethiopia. I will be teaching a Sunday School class and will be teaching a computer usage class at the Academy. Beyond those two points, I leave any more details up to God. I know I will be building relationships with people so that I can be the salt and light God has called me to be.

But I cannot go without your help. I would like to request two things from you. First, I would appreciate your prayers. When you think about me or think about children knowing more about God, please offer a prayer that God will work through me to bring hope to children in Ethiopia. Second, I would appreciate any donations you might give to my mission. I will be living in Ethiopia for two years without any sort of job and will be paying a monthly living fee. Above that, there are a few administration fees here in the States plus the airfare to and from Ethiopia. Please consider your part in my ministry as God works in your heart to give. You mustn't give extravagantly, but please listen to any urging that the Spirit is working within your heart.

With any donation, you will become part of my mission team. You will receive newsletters which will inform you of what is happening in Ethiopia and you will be able to see where your money is going. In each newsletter there will be highlighted things for you to pray with me about. You will not regret donating because it is more than just giving dollars, it is giving love and hope. Children across the world can know that you gave even when you didn't know them so that I can go and tell them about God's grace.


If you would like for your donation to be tax deductible, then please write your check out to “Blessing the Children International,” with the memo line “Kevin Barrick Mission Trip.” You may mail any donation directly to me at my postal address (Just email me for it), or if you would rather, you can send it straight to Blessing the Children International.

I would like to add each of my donors to an email correspondence list, so if you would like to be on that list, please mail your check directly to me with an additional paper with your email address.

If you cannot donate to my mission, but instead desire to be part of my team by prayer and still want an email correspondence of God's work in Ethiopia, then please email me your contact information so that I can add you to the correspondence list.






Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your giving. Thank you for your love. May God bless you for your faithfulness.








Kevin Barrick
kevin2ethiopia.blogspot.com
kevinmbarrick@gmail.com

Blessing the Children International
2267 Fraser Road - Kawkawlin, MI 48631-9145
www.blessingthechildren.org

James 1:27

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Contributions to Blessing the Children International are generally considered tax deductible;
however, in accordance with IRS regulations, these designated offerings are subject to the
governing board's control and discretion. When contributions for a particular individual exceed
trip/support expenses, or if that volunteer is unable to participate on the trip, the governing board
may redirect contributions to another activity within Blessing the Children International's mission
program. If you are uncertain whether your donation qualifies for a tax deduction, please contact
your tax consultant. Blessing the Children International is an approved 501(c)3 nonprofit.

You're Sending Me, God?

It's a thought that exhilarates me. However, at the same time it worries me. The thought that God has called me to return to Ethiopia. The thought that once more I can hold my kiddoes and see how they've grown and to see if they remember me and my quirkiness. The thought of traveling the streets of Debre Zeyit or cruising through the highways of Addis Ababa.

But it's more than those luxuries of fleeting memories.

What excites me more is the thought of maybe being able to plant seeds of the Gospel in the hearts of various and random children I meet along the way. I envision a lot of ministry options. The most definite seems to be teaching a Sunday School class at the church of my sponsor kid, Natnael. I also consider staying until my visa expires in two years after my arrival on Ethiopian soil. It's a challenging thought.

However it's not the going away that challenges me.
I don't worry about my emotional stamina in leaving America. As much as I love my family and friends and the kids I work with, I imagine only dealing with homesickness halfway through my trip. By that point I will be able to set up Skype sessions, work around school schedules and phone my Bible Club kids, and send email to my friends and family at least weekly. And that can suffice me, I'd think. I have nothing for my kids in Ethiopia, save random photos from people returning from a missions trip throughout the year.
What challenges me is the huge spiritual task in front of me. I'm not a Praying Clyde (Missionary to India with a great track record for praying). I'm not some spiritual fortitude.

I'm weak.

I often fall prey to Satan.

That's what frightens me. What if I erect myself to be some lighthouse, shining the way to Christ through the broken streets of Debre Zeyit-- and then my lighthouse crumbles to the ground, thrusting them into an unexpected darkness. What if I lift up the faltering in Ethiopia, pointing their way to the Healer--and then I, myself, trip on those pebbles and trip them, causing them to circle around and lose sight of the Saviour?

Can God still spread His Gospel and Kingdom?

I understand God can be the iron casting that weaves around my lighthouse, empowering it to stand against the thrashes of the sea I stand in. I understand God can keep me from falling and that He holds my hand in his while I hold the hand of a struggling soul on the streets of life.
But why risk it? Why play with the fate of someone who will reject Him with a volatile human as myself?

Because He risked it for me.

God doesn't send me out with absolutely no help from Him. He isn't sending me to reach Ethiopia's children for Him in my own strength, plans, or abilities. And because it isn't in my strength that He is sending me out, I can rest in His strength to keep me from falling into a disgrace.

So, yes. I am weak. Yes, I do what I don't want to do (sin) and I don't do what I want to do (glorify God). Yes, my spirit flaunts its independence in the face of the Father only to be pushed to my knees by the Opposer. Yes, I am far from worthy of the call to point the children of Ethiopia to the Messiah who will wash away their sins and restore their hope.

But, no. I'm not alone. No, I am not left to be weak. No, I'm not wandering blind. No, God doesn't keep me on my knees, but instead pulls me to my feet and shows me what it means to depend on His grace.

Thus God sends me out. A weak, broken, faltering light to shine the path to the One who sustains. He sends me out as one who is in the process of being sanctified into His holiness. Not as completely perfect, but as one with a cast or a bandage: showing my gwadenyoch (friends) that God can heal their pains and bind their wounds; and that God can restore them and use them for His glory.


Thus God sends me to boast of His power, not to rely on mine. May His love be seen in my love; may His power be seen through my weakness. May His redeeming grace be seen by my surrendered life.

April Showers Bring May Flowers: Showering Ethiopia with Prayer

I would like to call all my friends and family to join me on a month-long prayer journey. God is working great things in Ethiopia, and I think it would be appropriate to shower the work over their with prayer. Prayer over the people; over the ministries; over the ministers. Prayers to bless; to care; to give hope.

Each day I will post either a link to a story about an individual or family, or I will write up a little bio-article. Please join me in this prayer journey. It should only take you five minutes to learn the story, to learn the persons, to learn the struggles. It should only take you a minute at a time randomly throughout your day to lift these persons up in prayer to God.


Showering Ethiopia with Prayer: Day 1
Praying for the poorest of the poor.

Click here for the worst Jonnett has seen.


Here are the names again for you to pray for:

Fasika Girma (Girl, 9 months old)
Meseret Girma (Girl, 8 years old)
Elias Sintayehu (Boy, 5 years old)
Weynishet Girma (Girl, 10 years old)

Remember to pray that God will provide money for food and shelter, as well as sponsors to take on sponsoring these precious souls.

Memories

I realized I've posted very few times on actual parts of my trip to Ethiopia. It was either all just a passing mention, or something else. I don't think I really posted anything of a journal-essence.

Activity Day #1

This is where I finally understand what it means when memories fade and regret splashes on me. My memories of this day (and probably all if I think about it) are attached to photos. If there are no photos, then I probably don't remember it. (Though, that's not always the case.)

Well, the day began with us leaving the guest house to make it to the church. A lot of the kids were already there playing on the playground. Jonnett and I went to the main building to set up, but the door was locked so we just chilled with the families on the porch. This girl is Belean, if I remember right. She one of a couple sets of twins in the 5 churches. *If I remember by the end of this post, I'll share a completely unrelated story that happened with Jonnett, this child and her twin, and me.

 Activity Day officially started with Nigist welcoming the children and beginning the day with some songs and prayer. Introductions were made, explanation of the day's events given, and then we split up. One group for crafts and Bible lesson. And the other for game time.

 We played many games. One was Cats and Mice, where kids-cats chases kids-mice and turned them into cats.
We also played an interesting game where we would walk in circles, and whenever the leader called out a color, we would do something (Netch[white]--touch teeth; Semiawi[blue]--point to sky)

 The kids really enjoyed playing on the playground equipment. They would pile onto the see-saw and see how many could get on.

 Sometimes they would be so piled up that they would slip down the poles and needed to be held up by others.

 At every Activity Day they serve meals to the children.

Yegele really enjoyed his food. (Follow that link to learn more about him! )

 At the end of the day, I spent some time with new friends. This is Abraham, and he loved to hold on to me and follow me wherever I went.

Once Abraham left, I began to play with a little boy, Yohannis. (Or maybe this is Yabsira. I didn't catch his name, really...) He liked my sunglasses and wanted a photo of him with them on. :)

Follow, Obey, Surrender.

God...may I never do things because I want to. May I never not do things because I don't want to. May everything I do and refrain from be done because You ordered it. Help me hear the voice of my Master and Shepherd and follow You. I was bought with a value worth more than gold--I was bought with the lifeblood of your beloved Son. And with that knowledge...I must realize I am your slave, your servant. I am ordained to follow you, obey you, mimic you. My emotions, desires, or goals are completely irrelevant in light of Your emotions, desires, and goals for me and mankind. Help me be true to my slave-hood. Help me be an instrument to your work, not the Master Worker, not the Conductor, not the Master.

God has his own thoughts. God has his own plans. Such is clearly seen in the Bible.

Psalm 40:5 "You have multiplied, O LORD my God,    your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;    none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them,    yet they are more than can be told."

Psalm 92:5 "How great are your works, O LORD!    Your thoughts are very deep!"

Psalm 33:11 "The counsel of the LORD stands forever,    the plans of his heart to all generations."

Isaiah 25:1 "O LORD, you are my God;    I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things,    plans formed of old, faithful and sure." 

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare [38] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

 And I have my own thoughts. My own plans.

Psalm 139:23 "Search me, O God, and know my heart!    Try me and know my thoughts!"

(They can be just, pure thoughts...)
Proverbs 12:5 "The thoughts of the righteous are just;    the counsels of the wicked are deceitful."

(Or they can be an abomination to God...)
Proverbs 15:26 "The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD,    but gracious words are pure."


But all in all, my thoughts are not God's. My plans are not God's.

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,    neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth,    so are my ways higher than your ways    and my thoughts than your thoughts."


And that's the crux of everything. God is, if we put things in a down-to-earth scale, up there at the top of the Empire State Building with His thoughts and plans. We, on the other hand, are the same distance the other direction; we're plowing into the mantle. It's not comparable. His thoughts are higher than ours--just like the sky is higher than the earth.

That's why I am His servant (purchased by Christ) not the other way around. That's why He calls the shots. That's why He is the Shepherd.
God desires the whole earth to be saved. He desires every tribe, every tongue, every people to testify to His love, to grow in Grace, to be redeemed. He knows the future; He knows everything. He sees what I don't see, He knows what I can't comprehend. For that reason, I ought to forsake everything that promotes me as the one who calls the shots.

And it's all so crazy. I wish there were a better word than 'crazy', but that's the best I can come up with. It's just crazy to think that God takes the time to redeem me* and to think thoughts towards me, to have plans for me, to desire my well-being, to gift me with desires so that I can follow Him in joy and peace.

*And it's crazy how much is packed into that word 'redeemed'. It means I'm saved, forgiven, loved. It means that God believes in me; that He sees my potential in Him so greatly that He granted me His Spirit so that I can carry out His will in my own individuality but in His strength and power. 



Everything nowadays is drawn back to Ethiopia. It's the desire of my heart. It's my thought; it's my desire; it's my plan. When reflecting in hindsight my sinful heart, my oppositions to Christ and the Spirit, I often follow the trend of "If I keep this path, I won't be able to go back to Ethiopia--what's the sense in living for God across the world if I can't live for God in my life in my home?" Sometimes it's more than logistics, it can go to thoughts of disqualification, becoming unfit as the vessel God wanted me to be used for, etc.

But is that really the thought pattern that is just? Is that the thinking that will get me into the will of God? My head says no.
Sin should never be viewed solely as consequential to the ministry. Sin should be viewed as drifting away from God.
Drifting away from God should never be viewed as detrimental to the ministry. Sin should be viewed as detrimental to my life.


But, Ethiopia. What if...I'm hyping it up in my heart? What if I want Ethiopia because it's a hip thing to do? What if I want Ethiopia because I simply want an avenue of service to God? What if I just want a pat on the back? What if I just want recognition? What if I just want change from the norm?
Those are all horrible reasons to want Ethiopia in my life. And I shouldn't want to go back to Ethiopia because I want it. I shouldn't want Ethiopia because I want it. I should want to go because God wants me to go and is sending me. I should want Ethiopia because God wants me to want it.
It should have zero things to do with me, and everything to do with God.

I'm the slave; He's the Master. I'm the forgiven; He's the forgiver. I'm the lost-now-found; He's the Seeker. I'm the redeemed; He's the redeemer. I'm the clay; He's the Potter.

God wants what is best for me. He wants what is best for you. He wants what is best for the children of Ethiopia. He wants what is best for the people of the world. And God knows what I can and cannot do. He's the One who gave me my likes and dislikes; my strengths and my weakness; my abilities and disabilities; my knowledge and lack of knowledge. He created my personality. He created me.

It would be crazy for me to call the shots. It would be crazy to pursue my own thing. It would be crazy to plan my life.

God...you have plans for me. You have desires for my life. You have my future already prescribed. You already know what you want me to do and where. Help me be fully surrendered to you. If you send me to Ethiopia, help me go. If you send me to another place, help me go. If you send me here, help me stay. Help me be focused on today's decisions, not tomorrow's dream. Help me be so close to You that I hear your small, still voice; that I feel your impulses; that I can feel your heart beat. Help me feel your pain; feel your joy; feel your power. Help me forsake all that is me and run after all that is You. God, I need you to fill be with Your Spirit to control me. I need Your love to fill my heart. I need You.  Help me surrender all. 

More

These are real lives.

These are real humans.

These are real people.

These are more than faces.

These are more than stories.

These are more than charity.

They are like you, but orphaned.

They are like you, but poor.

They are like you, but unschooled

Imagine yourself stripped of your parents, stripped of a good role model. Imagine yourself to live as an adult from an early age, taking care of your younger siblings and perhaps even your sick, bed-ridden mother, aunt, or grandmother.

Imagine yourself living with four other people in the space of the average, middle-class family's living room. Imagine yourself owning only two other shirts, one other pants, and one pair of shoes.

Imagine yourself in the midst of all that, and yet maintain humanity's rich characteristics of hope, dreams, ambition, zeal, happiness, love, joy. These families have poverty spiritually and physically thrust upon them, but when squeezed produce sweet nectar of spiritual richness.

It is very easy to see pictures of people in Africa, Russia, China, Argentina, Honduras and see faces of poverty, pain, and sorrow. That very well be what those pictures are of. They may truly be of a child or adult that is impoverished and is in horrible living conditions. Those pictures, though, depict more than poverty. They represent in an image the soul of another human. Despite the fact they are poor, they are humans. Despite their being yet another story in charity's call for love-actions, they are souls that need love. Not tangible love like gifts and money, but intangible like spending time with an individual and allow the bonds of the heart to reach out and attach to their heart.  

I find it hard for myself to see missions photos, sometimes even my own photos, and detach myself from the norm of "Oh, it's just a photo." These are more than photos of kids and people. These are true humans, living just as you are under different circumstances. We share the same hopes, dreams, and goals. Just different experiences.

And that's what we need to realize. A picture is not a sob-story. Big organizations might be like that, striving to better the human race, to fulfill a need of, well, humane deeds. Missionaries on the other hand ((and I'm not bashing organizations at all. They're good, and they're helpful. But the missionary [ought to, at least] has a different mindset.)) aren't all about sob-stories. Are stories sad? Yes. Are they desperate for help? Sure. But they're not about you feeding into your satisfaction as a human or as a "Christian" by 'doing good deeds'.

Missionaries present stories, lives, people to those who are better off circumstantially that are able to help. We as Christians are commanded to help the poor, minister to the "least of these." Missionaries simply present you a means of obeying God. They bring back stories from their world into your world so you can hear, understand, and know how to help. If it's by giving, going, or praying, you ought to be obeying God by doing what you can do help the poor and the 'least of these'.


More than faces. These are lives.