Often in our lives we find things we are willing to do. But then we come across an area that we are not willing to do--whether we admit that to God or keep it in "secret" thoughts.
Those things may be an unwillingness to preaching, handing someone a tract, quitting your job for another one, withholding a job opportunity for an unknown future, to be single, to be a missionary, to go to Africa.
But, let us not always focus on being willing to go. We can get into the mindset of "surrender" and say to God "I surrender to you should you call me to go to [third world country]." But are we willing to stay?
That's what God has spoken to me about tonight. I'm very enthusiastic about returning to Ethiopia. It is a recurring thought each day. I fantasize about staying there for more than 4 months; I think about what I could do differently over there than how I did things on my first trip. It's easy for me to surrender to going to Ethiopia. If God called me to go to Ethiopia tomorrow morning--all expenses provided for--I would run to the airport if it could take me there faster than a car.
...But am I willing to stay?
What if God wants me to stay? What if He wants me to remain in America for the rest of my life doing Bible clubs and helping at church? Is that something I am surrendered to?
I honestly do not know. I haven't searched my heart enough to give myself an honest answer to myself and God. And that is not the point of this journal entry. It's not to triumphantly declare to you I am surrendered to go and willing to stay. It's a call to willingness for myself and for you.
I'm not going to wait until I can say "I am willing to stay" before I post this entry. It profits no one--myself especially--if I only cast myself in a righteous light.
I don't know if I'm willing to stay in America while Ethiopia tugs at my heart. I don't know if I could be submissive to the idea of my never returning to Ethiopia.
And it is not about words. It's not to tell God "I am willing to stay." It's about believing it--actually being willing.
And that's where I am right now. I've come to God already before and said I'm willing to do whatever He wants. If He wants me to stay, then so be it. But I feel it was more of a motion action--something to be done so I can say I did it. Not to others, but to myself and to God. "God. I already surrendered to staying. I want to go to Ethiopia so much, so it must be of you."
I want to be able to get to the point where I'm not comfortable with going to Ethiopia just because I want to go. I want to be able to go to Ethiopia because God wants me to. If I want to, then great. But God's desires are more important. Whether I accept that or not, it's true.
The ball is in my court. It's always been. It's not whether God provides or not. It's not whether He calls or not. It's about whether I can be willing to follow wherever He leads. Not wherever I want Him to lead, or wherever I feel comfortable about following.
So God, help me be willing to stay.
Those things may be an unwillingness to preaching, handing someone a tract, quitting your job for another one, withholding a job opportunity for an unknown future, to be single, to be a missionary, to go to Africa.
But, let us not always focus on being willing to go. We can get into the mindset of "surrender" and say to God "I surrender to you should you call me to go to [third world country]." But are we willing to stay?
That's what God has spoken to me about tonight. I'm very enthusiastic about returning to Ethiopia. It is a recurring thought each day. I fantasize about staying there for more than 4 months; I think about what I could do differently over there than how I did things on my first trip. It's easy for me to surrender to going to Ethiopia. If God called me to go to Ethiopia tomorrow morning--all expenses provided for--I would run to the airport if it could take me there faster than a car.
...But am I willing to stay?
What if God wants me to stay? What if He wants me to remain in America for the rest of my life doing Bible clubs and helping at church? Is that something I am surrendered to?
I honestly do not know. I haven't searched my heart enough to give myself an honest answer to myself and God. And that is not the point of this journal entry. It's not to triumphantly declare to you I am surrendered to go and willing to stay. It's a call to willingness for myself and for you.
I'm not going to wait until I can say "I am willing to stay" before I post this entry. It profits no one--myself especially--if I only cast myself in a righteous light.
I don't know if I'm willing to stay in America while Ethiopia tugs at my heart. I don't know if I could be submissive to the idea of my never returning to Ethiopia.
And it is not about words. It's not to tell God "I am willing to stay." It's about believing it--actually being willing.
And that's where I am right now. I've come to God already before and said I'm willing to do whatever He wants. If He wants me to stay, then so be it. But I feel it was more of a motion action--something to be done so I can say I did it. Not to others, but to myself and to God. "God. I already surrendered to staying. I want to go to Ethiopia so much, so it must be of you."
I want to be able to get to the point where I'm not comfortable with going to Ethiopia just because I want to go. I want to be able to go to Ethiopia because God wants me to. If I want to, then great. But God's desires are more important. Whether I accept that or not, it's true.
The ball is in my court. It's always been. It's not whether God provides or not. It's not whether He calls or not. It's about whether I can be willing to follow wherever He leads. Not wherever I want Him to lead, or wherever I feel comfortable about following.
So God, help me be willing to stay.
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