It's all a jumble of personal understanding and wanting to deny that understanding.
All the time I'm missing Ethiopia. All the time I want to go back. But in those times of wishing I were there, I know I'm not supposed to be there. At least not right now. I have responsibilities I owe myself and others in my life. Primarily those in my future: Whoever I get involved with in whatever ministry God leads me into.
Presently I am to go to community college to get an Associates in Arts degree that will be transferable to any NC university as completion of General Education requirements. It will save loads of money and it will give me time that I need to figure out exactly what I am supposed to major in.
At this moment the university spectrum seems to be revolving around photography and my love for writing. So, ideally photojournalism. I may at a later time explain why this, but not now. It's unimportant. Except for the fact that it might lead into future mission ministries.
So, the way I see it, to be an effective missionary(as we are all called to be. I'm not implying I'm being called to be a full-time missionary to Ethiopia) personally, is to finish this next leg in my life journey. To get my A.A degree. Without it, I can't live up to my potential. And I will ultimately be cheating those children and others I minister to.
But there's also another matter to consider as to why I am here and not 7,000 miles away. And it's spiritual in nature. Basically, how can I serve God and be His ambassador if I am not in constant, close communion with Him? If He is just a name to me, a force that can protect and guide me, a love that can sustain me, I'm missing out on everything else He is. If I just accept Him as a god, then I will never become the image of Christ--which is my(and every Christian's) highest calling, preeminent calling. We were called and predestined to become the likeness of Christ. If I throw that to the wind, then what good missionary could I possible be? I'll deteriorate into a fake. I'll get into a deep slump of going through the motions; and lack genuine love that gives basis to everything worthwhile(1 Cor. 13).
So that's what I'm looking at now. I can't go back and serve if I'm not in fellowship with God. I have to be able to be "souled out" for God. If I'm not, then nothing will last. I'll end up in a place of regret and stagnation.
That has to be my focus here though. If it's on my college, then I'd work out ways to be able to do it online or some other way to speed up my return to Ethiopia. But if it's on my spiritual growth, then I'll be able to see that two years is a beneficial amount of time. It may be too short. But I must focus all my being into redeeming every second of the time I spend in America. If I lollygag, make God just another god, focus on myself and not Him, or whatever else I could possibly do to stop God's shaping my Christ-likeness, then I'm regrettably, irresponsibly, foolishly wasting valuable time I've been given.
Perhaps a trial will face me that will make or break me while over there. Perhaps there are a billions "what ifs" or other perhaps that could happen. I need to be ready for whatever happens. And by ready, I simply mean holding God's hand while bearing all my armor, while being able to flee when I need to, fight when I must, and fear who I need to. It'll be a process, it'll take time. But I have time. I have 2 years. If I devote myself, I may be in a position of being one step closer to looking like Jesus. But if I waste my time, then I'll be one step closer to being just a smudge, a failure, a fake.
So that is what's going to have to be my motivation for sticking in, for not giving up, or being rash. I'm here to change. I'm here to grow. It's not any time to be wasteful.
Redeeming the time...for the days are evil...
All the time I'm missing Ethiopia. All the time I want to go back. But in those times of wishing I were there, I know I'm not supposed to be there. At least not right now. I have responsibilities I owe myself and others in my life. Primarily those in my future: Whoever I get involved with in whatever ministry God leads me into.
Presently I am to go to community college to get an Associates in Arts degree that will be transferable to any NC university as completion of General Education requirements. It will save loads of money and it will give me time that I need to figure out exactly what I am supposed to major in.
At this moment the university spectrum seems to be revolving around photography and my love for writing. So, ideally photojournalism. I may at a later time explain why this, but not now. It's unimportant. Except for the fact that it might lead into future mission ministries.
So, the way I see it, to be an effective missionary(as we are all called to be. I'm not implying I'm being called to be a full-time missionary to Ethiopia) personally, is to finish this next leg in my life journey. To get my A.A degree. Without it, I can't live up to my potential. And I will ultimately be cheating those children and others I minister to.
But there's also another matter to consider as to why I am here and not 7,000 miles away. And it's spiritual in nature. Basically, how can I serve God and be His ambassador if I am not in constant, close communion with Him? If He is just a name to me, a force that can protect and guide me, a love that can sustain me, I'm missing out on everything else He is. If I just accept Him as a god, then I will never become the image of Christ--which is my(and every Christian's) highest calling, preeminent calling. We were called and predestined to become the likeness of Christ. If I throw that to the wind, then what good missionary could I possible be? I'll deteriorate into a fake. I'll get into a deep slump of going through the motions; and lack genuine love that gives basis to everything worthwhile(1 Cor. 13).
So that's what I'm looking at now. I can't go back and serve if I'm not in fellowship with God. I have to be able to be "souled out" for God. If I'm not, then nothing will last. I'll end up in a place of regret and stagnation.
That has to be my focus here though. If it's on my college, then I'd work out ways to be able to do it online or some other way to speed up my return to Ethiopia. But if it's on my spiritual growth, then I'll be able to see that two years is a beneficial amount of time. It may be too short. But I must focus all my being into redeeming every second of the time I spend in America. If I lollygag, make God just another god, focus on myself and not Him, or whatever else I could possibly do to stop God's shaping my Christ-likeness, then I'm regrettably, irresponsibly, foolishly wasting valuable time I've been given.
Perhaps a trial will face me that will make or break me while over there. Perhaps there are a billions "what ifs" or other perhaps that could happen. I need to be ready for whatever happens. And by ready, I simply mean holding God's hand while bearing all my armor, while being able to flee when I need to, fight when I must, and fear who I need to. It'll be a process, it'll take time. But I have time. I have 2 years. If I devote myself, I may be in a position of being one step closer to looking like Jesus. But if I waste my time, then I'll be one step closer to being just a smudge, a failure, a fake.
So that is what's going to have to be my motivation for sticking in, for not giving up, or being rash. I'm here to change. I'm here to grow. It's not any time to be wasteful.
Redeeming the time...for the days are evil...
