God...may I never do things because I want to. May I never not do things because I don't want to. May everything I do and refrain from be done because You ordered it. Help me hear the voice of my Master and Shepherd and follow You. I was bought with a value worth more than gold--I was bought with the lifeblood of your beloved Son. And with that knowledge...I must realize I am your slave, your servant. I am ordained to follow you, obey you, mimic you. My emotions, desires, or goals are completely irrelevant in light of Your emotions, desires, and goals for me and mankind. Help me be true to my slave-hood. Help me be an instrument to your work, not the Master Worker, not the Conductor, not the Master.
God has his own thoughts. God has his own plans. Such is clearly seen in the Bible.
Psalm 40:5 "You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told."
Psalm 92:5 "How great are your works, O LORD! Your thoughts are very deep!"
Psalm 33:11 "The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations."
Isaiah 25:1 "O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure."
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare [38] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
And I have my own thoughts. My own plans.
Psalm 139:23 "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!"
(They can be just, pure thoughts...)
Proverbs 12:5 "The thoughts of the righteous are just; the counsels of the wicked are deceitful."
(Or they can be an abomination to God...)
Proverbs 15:26 "The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD, but gracious words are pure."
But all in all, my thoughts are not God's. My plans are not God's.
Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
And that's the crux of everything. God is, if we put things in a down-to-earth scale, up there at the top of the Empire State Building with His thoughts and plans. We, on the other hand, are the same distance the other direction; we're plowing into the mantle. It's not comparable. His thoughts are higher than ours--just like the sky is higher than the earth.
That's why I am His servant (purchased by Christ) not the other way around. That's why He calls the shots. That's why He is the Shepherd.
God desires the whole earth to be saved. He desires every tribe, every tongue, every people to testify to His love, to grow in Grace, to be redeemed. He knows the future; He knows everything. He sees what I don't see, He knows what I can't comprehend. For that reason, I ought to forsake everything that promotes me as the one who calls the shots.
And it's all so crazy. I wish there were a better word than 'crazy', but that's the best I can come up with. It's just crazy to think that God takes the time to redeem me* and to think thoughts towards me, to have plans for me, to desire my well-being, to gift me with desires so that I can follow Him in joy and peace.
*And it's crazy how much is packed into that word 'redeemed'. It means I'm saved, forgiven, loved. It means that God believes in me; that He sees my potential in Him so greatly that He granted me His Spirit so that I can carry out His will in my own individuality but in His strength and power.
Everything nowadays is drawn back to Ethiopia. It's the desire of my heart. It's my thought; it's my desire; it's my plan. When reflecting in hindsight my sinful heart, my oppositions to Christ and the Spirit, I often follow the trend of "If I keep this path, I won't be able to go back to Ethiopia--what's the sense in living for God across the world if I can't live for God in my life in my home?" Sometimes it's more than logistics, it can go to thoughts of disqualification, becoming unfit as the vessel God wanted me to be used for, etc.
But is that really the thought pattern that is just? Is that the thinking that will get me into the will of God? My head says no.
Sin should never be viewed solely as consequential to the ministry. Sin should be viewed as drifting away from God.
Drifting away from God should never be viewed as detrimental to the ministry. Sin should be viewed as detrimental to my life.
But, Ethiopia. What if...I'm hyping it up in my heart? What if I want Ethiopia because it's a hip thing to do? What if I want Ethiopia because I simply want an avenue of service to God? What if I just want a pat on the back? What if I just want recognition? What if I just want change from the norm?
Those are all horrible reasons to want Ethiopia in my life. And I shouldn't want to go back to Ethiopia because I want it. I shouldn't want Ethiopia because I want it. I should want to go because God wants me to go and is sending me. I should want Ethiopia because God wants me to want it.
It should have zero things to do with me, and everything to do with God.
I'm the slave; He's the Master. I'm the forgiven; He's the forgiver. I'm the lost-now-found; He's the Seeker. I'm the redeemed; He's the redeemer. I'm the clay; He's the Potter.
God wants what is best for me. He wants what is best for you. He wants what is best for the children of Ethiopia. He wants what is best for the people of the world. And God knows what I can and cannot do. He's the One who gave me my likes and dislikes; my strengths and my weakness; my abilities and disabilities; my knowledge and lack of knowledge. He created my personality. He created me.
It would be crazy for me to call the shots. It would be crazy to pursue my own thing. It would be crazy to plan my life.
God...you have plans for me. You have desires for my life. You have my future already prescribed. You already know what you want me to do and where. Help me be fully surrendered to you. If you send me to Ethiopia, help me go. If you send me to another place, help me go. If you send me here, help me stay. Help me be focused on today's decisions, not tomorrow's dream. Help me be so close to You that I hear your small, still voice; that I feel your impulses; that I can feel your heart beat. Help me feel your pain; feel your joy; feel your power. Help me forsake all that is me and run after all that is You. God, I need you to fill be with Your Spirit to control me. I need Your love to fill my heart. I need You. Help me surrender all.
